witchscauldron

It's white outside today...another load of snow getting ready to drop on our heads, I suppose. I've been quietly ensconced in my house, though. No interest in going outside or really doing anything. At some point I will have to go out and get some more, nice long branches for wands. I just want some nice plain handcarved ones, nothing fancy. It feels good to do it myself, watch the wood curl under the knife being drawn down by my hand.

Been feeling very...grey. White. Like smoke, or mist, or a ghost. Or something. Nothing to say...other than some outbursts of nonsense. Sticky lizards and bouncy balls and such. I don't even want to bead. Watching Babylon 5 tapes.

This weekend was nice, but it was exhausting. It was good to see Merfle, tho. I'm very tired...right into my bones. I feel sick all the time, and sore. I'd sleep through the rest of my days if I could. Still windy...it's like it's blowing small bits of myself away from me.

I dreamt I was being hunted...hunted by people I knew, loved, trusted...chased in a big, whitewashed, constructed fake world, wanted for my genetic material to cure all the sickly children dying from all the sickness the manufactured world created. I was magickal, I had a power none else had...I Changed, I walked right through their constructs as if they weren't there. I offered to share myself for the cure, if they would help me restore the world...but instead they tried to cage me in a prison of glass. I laughed, raised the ailing seas, and drowned the world in a tide of blood as I soared into the stars....I still remember hearing them cry as they drowned. Merciless.

I also dreamed of being part of a tour, travelling...being sick of the falsness and lies, the hypocrisy of the modern world and those around me. We got lost, the bus broke down. I abandoned my pack, abandoned my skin, and vanished into a forest the colour of ashes.

I don't really feel like I'll enjoy the howl anymore. I'd not go, except I asked to, and so many people have extended hospitality and funding and time and effort on my behalf it would be a cold slap in the face to change my plans now. So I will go and I will do my damndest to enjoy it. I probably will enjoy it, despite myself.

Ah well. I'm babbling. I should go and do something else other than boring people.
-M.