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witchscauldronI've been up since 3:40 AM, and I'm awake and writing coherently. This is patently not good.
A First
The first time I had insomnia I think I was about 14. It was sort of baffling to me at the time. I had, on occasion, chosen to stay up all night reading in the past...but it'd always been my choice. I remember being confused as to why I just -couldn't- sleep...even though I wanted to. It was winter, which seems to be the season that started the whole thing. I sat up reading, staring out my window, and being blearily unhappy as the sun rose that morning. I think I came home from school that day and fell asleep before 6 PM. Not too difficult when it's getting dark when you get off the school bus.
It didn't happen too often, then, but it built as I got older. I spent a lot of nights awake painting, or writing, or reading. My walkman used to help me fall asleep, but now I can't have music on overnight anymore. The more manic I am, the worse it can get...and the worse it gets, the more likely I am to get manic because I'm not rested. It's a vicious cycle.
Well-Tooled
I have...many tools, at this point. I'm fairly fond of most of them. I do make a fair number of things, but often pass them out of my hands to others. The ones that I keep are the ones that I really like, and 'feel' the most.
I'm not sure I have a favorite, but if I did, it'd be my athame. I love my athame. I always have. Maybe it's just a love of sharp pointy things.
I'm also fairly fond of staves. Don't have much call to use one in my practice these days, but I still have a pile of them around. I suppose it's the
adult version of my collection of sticks. I like making wands, but they don't seem to have the same 'oomph' a good staff has.
Maybe that's why those two things might be my favorite. I like ritual objects that appropriately command and direct.
Incense might top both. It's not as much what some people might think of as a tool, but I think incense is indispensable. If I can find a reason to burn it (or perhaps find no reason to -not- burn it), I do. It's like an instant headspace change, for me. When I started out it seemed utterly exotic, and luxurious. I grew up in a non-smoking household where everyone was allergic to scent (including myself), so the act of -burning- something entirely for its' scent and smoke was like a taboo. When I found non-synthetic incense I could burn that didn't make me sneeze, and finally got out into my own space, I went a little mad. I'm sure I'm still more than a little mad about the stuff.
Edit (2:09 PM) -
ew. nothing like not sleeping, then catching a nap, and then waking up with your second migraine in a week. This one is at least being different - it's all in the left side of my head, and not the right side like last time. Interesting side note: apparently if it's in my left side, I'll want to throw up, but not when it's on my right side.
A First
The first time I had insomnia I think I was about 14. It was sort of baffling to me at the time. I had, on occasion, chosen to stay up all night reading in the past...but it'd always been my choice. I remember being confused as to why I just -couldn't- sleep...even though I wanted to. It was winter, which seems to be the season that started the whole thing. I sat up reading, staring out my window, and being blearily unhappy as the sun rose that morning. I think I came home from school that day and fell asleep before 6 PM. Not too difficult when it's getting dark when you get off the school bus.
It didn't happen too often, then, but it built as I got older. I spent a lot of nights awake painting, or writing, or reading. My walkman used to help me fall asleep, but now I can't have music on overnight anymore. The more manic I am, the worse it can get...and the worse it gets, the more likely I am to get manic because I'm not rested. It's a vicious cycle.
Well-Tooled
I have...many tools, at this point. I'm fairly fond of most of them. I do make a fair number of things, but often pass them out of my hands to others. The ones that I keep are the ones that I really like, and 'feel' the most.
I'm not sure I have a favorite, but if I did, it'd be my athame. I love my athame. I always have. Maybe it's just a love of sharp pointy things.
I'm also fairly fond of staves. Don't have much call to use one in my practice these days, but I still have a pile of them around. I suppose it's the
adult version of my collection of sticks. I like making wands, but they don't seem to have the same 'oomph' a good staff has.
Maybe that's why those two things might be my favorite. I like ritual objects that appropriately command and direct.
Incense might top both. It's not as much what some people might think of as a tool, but I think incense is indispensable. If I can find a reason to burn it (or perhaps find no reason to -not- burn it), I do. It's like an instant headspace change, for me. When I started out it seemed utterly exotic, and luxurious. I grew up in a non-smoking household where everyone was allergic to scent (including myself), so the act of -burning- something entirely for its' scent and smoke was like a taboo. When I found non-synthetic incense I could burn that didn't make me sneeze, and finally got out into my own space, I went a little mad. I'm sure I'm still more than a little mad about the stuff.
Edit (2:09 PM) -
ew. nothing like not sleeping, then catching a nap, and then waking up with your second migraine in a week. This one is at least being different - it's all in the left side of my head, and not the right side like last time. Interesting side note: apparently if it's in my left side, I'll want to throw up, but not when it's on my right side.
