Meme: Day 18 – Your favourite birthday/18. Community (or the lack thereof)

[witchscauldron]

My Favorite What, Now?

I don't have one of these. I really -really- dislike my birthday, and have gone out of my way as an adult to spend them doing as little as possible,
with as few people as possible. I'm going to get older, regardless of whether anyone remembers the day or not.

Birthdays as a kid were never really memorable. Mostly family, occasionally a friend or two. I don't remember parties. As a teenager, the pattern stayed true to life. My birthday is usually well within a week before Labour Day weekend - nobody's ever home for that weekend, and I remember more than once getting things for back-to-school as birthday gifts.

I like having BBQ'd chicken and fresh corn on my birthday. Or sometimes a pizza. And I like mostly being left alone. Aren't I fun? Eh.




My 'Community'

When I was younger I was desparate for community. I had online community, of a sort, but it's not the same as face-to-face interaction. I craved feeling as if I was not alone in the world, and to be a part of a group where I wouldn't be treated as weird or negatively different, for following a pagan path.

When I finally got out and met some people in person, I was conflicted. While it was nice for a few hours not to feel alone, and to experience ritual as a group, I was definetely still on the fringe of things, and was not in any position to change that. Geography was a great part of it, but over time I've recognized that I don't nescessarily share point-of-view with the majority of pagan communities around me. And as I've continued, and experienced a few more communities and groups, and gotten a better handle on myself, I think I've found my own balance.

I like to work alone, for the most part. While it's nice to have company sometimes, at least when I work alone no-one second-guesses my decisions, and no-one is judging me. My anxiety, and my occasional paranoia, really don't help me much with wanting to work with others
for much of the time.

I can say this now, though - I enjoy the balance I get from having a coven I see on a regular basis. It's nice to feel as if I am part of a greater whole, and that what I do is valued and worthwhile. I get enough companionship from my coven, that I don't really feel a lack of companionship when we're apart. My coven is really the whole of my community, aside from those I speak to online.

What I see in public pagan communities completely turns me off at this point. I see people who simply want to use other people to feed their for their own egos, people who want to dominate others, people who are really only interested in selling seekers "truth" for large amounts of money, people who profane what I'd consider sacred, people who misappropriate cultures for profit, and eclecticism done poorly and disrespectfully seems to be the largest order of the day. Since pointing these things out somehow makes you a 'pagan fundie', or 'close-minded', I don't waste my energy on them in any way. I don't shout them down, but I certainly don't support them.