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Kodekitten prompted some thought in me earlier this evening, a thought I don't think I've ever really verbally expressed. I have been considering it more and more, though, thanks in part to Coyote's bulletin board, and whatnot. It's like that part of my mind is slipping back into gear, finally. Maybe. I don't know. Otherwise I feel as if I'm disjointed, and out of sync with the rest of the world. Not very put together. And that's why it takes me so long to do aura readings. Anyway...
Back to Wolf. I say "Wolf", as opposed to "wolf", as an indication that I am speaking of an over-arching spirit, almost like a deity but not quite. This is Wolf Above, the wolf of stars, and one of my early teachers and guides in the Dreamlands/Underworld. Many wolf spirits have passed through my life, teaching me many aspects of being a wolf; things I might have learned as a cub, if I had ever been one. Wolf itself, though, stands out distinctly in my mind - the other spirits all felt distinctive, as if they had once been living individuals. All the other wolves had names, quirks - like all spirit guides or teachers I've encountered. Wolf, however, did not. The other wolves have come and gone. I still meet them, sometimes, in my travels, but they still are off on their own paths. Not so with Wolf. Like Raven, who is always with me, Wolf is always somewhere.
Wolf is a very unearthly, sacred presence. Blue-white, always faintly lumnescent, bright eyes of no distinct colour. No sex. No individual name. Always just "This one is Wolf.". I always found it interesting that I too, was a blue-white colour. I too have bright eyes that shift colour. And for the longest time the only name I was an image in my head, something to do with a sacred lake, a grove of naked birch in winter, calling to the moon, the stars calling me "Sister". Now, I have given myself a name, WinterWolf, to make things simple with people, but while it does that it does poor justice to that vision, and it isn't truly a name.
Unlike a lot of other animal-folk, I remember no past lives as a wolf or a raven. I remember them always being a part of myself, or rather that I have always been a part of them. I don't remember living in an actual place, or ever physically experiencing things wolves do. I DO, however, feel as if I have done them for thousands of years, over and over, as if in a cycle of life, a concordance of instinct. It is as if I am distantly aware of other wolves doing these things, and in doing so, I am actually doing them. It is more of an ancestral memory...but rather, in reverse. A memory through your descendants...an echo of all those like you. My longings, my needs, my desires as Wolf are the desires of all those like me, surfacing the waters of my mind like ancient lore.
I feel my Wolf-self is sacred - a priestess, a carrier of magick. I feel my Raven-self much the same way as I percieve my Wolf-self. I am perhaps not the most....earthy of therians. I am not an animal in a human body. I feel as if I am a fragment of Wolf Above, in a physical body. I am a fragment of Raven Above, in an earthbound form. I am a spirit, experiencing flesh. It puts me at odds with many other therians, who believe they are hosts for wolf spirits, like those who taught me, wolf spirits that are distinct and individual from their own spirits.
I am one. I am wolf, raven and woman. Perhaps owl... I wonder. I am human, Mage, and Animalkin. I am three who are one...much like my Lady, Morrigan. I am...many things. Many layers. Not all I understand. But I know "my wolf" cannot be spoken of thusly, nor "my raven"...I am just "I".
I don't know how or when this came to pass. I don't know if it will ever be otherwise...but I wouldn't have it be. I am what I am. I am part of the Flow, tied to this part of the Weave...and it is obviously my Call, my own service to Her. It's been so long since I've ever thought like this...not since I was learning to walk the Underworlds, to shapeshift, to Dream...I have missed this. Finally, after a year, I have welcomed the wolf home in my mind, become intimate with a part of myself I once banished and thought gone.
Welcome home...
-M.
Back to Wolf. I say "Wolf", as opposed to "wolf", as an indication that I am speaking of an over-arching spirit, almost like a deity but not quite. This is Wolf Above, the wolf of stars, and one of my early teachers and guides in the Dreamlands/Underworld. Many wolf spirits have passed through my life, teaching me many aspects of being a wolf; things I might have learned as a cub, if I had ever been one. Wolf itself, though, stands out distinctly in my mind - the other spirits all felt distinctive, as if they had once been living individuals. All the other wolves had names, quirks - like all spirit guides or teachers I've encountered. Wolf, however, did not. The other wolves have come and gone. I still meet them, sometimes, in my travels, but they still are off on their own paths. Not so with Wolf. Like Raven, who is always with me, Wolf is always somewhere.
Wolf is a very unearthly, sacred presence. Blue-white, always faintly lumnescent, bright eyes of no distinct colour. No sex. No individual name. Always just "This one is Wolf.". I always found it interesting that I too, was a blue-white colour. I too have bright eyes that shift colour. And for the longest time the only name I was an image in my head, something to do with a sacred lake, a grove of naked birch in winter, calling to the moon, the stars calling me "Sister". Now, I have given myself a name, WinterWolf, to make things simple with people, but while it does that it does poor justice to that vision, and it isn't truly a name.
Unlike a lot of other animal-folk, I remember no past lives as a wolf or a raven. I remember them always being a part of myself, or rather that I have always been a part of them. I don't remember living in an actual place, or ever physically experiencing things wolves do. I DO, however, feel as if I have done them for thousands of years, over and over, as if in a cycle of life, a concordance of instinct. It is as if I am distantly aware of other wolves doing these things, and in doing so, I am actually doing them. It is more of an ancestral memory...but rather, in reverse. A memory through your descendants...an echo of all those like you. My longings, my needs, my desires as Wolf are the desires of all those like me, surfacing the waters of my mind like ancient lore.
I feel my Wolf-self is sacred - a priestess, a carrier of magick. I feel my Raven-self much the same way as I percieve my Wolf-self. I am perhaps not the most....earthy of therians. I am not an animal in a human body. I feel as if I am a fragment of Wolf Above, in a physical body. I am a fragment of Raven Above, in an earthbound form. I am a spirit, experiencing flesh. It puts me at odds with many other therians, who believe they are hosts for wolf spirits, like those who taught me, wolf spirits that are distinct and individual from their own spirits.
I am one. I am wolf, raven and woman. Perhaps owl... I wonder. I am human, Mage, and Animalkin. I am three who are one...much like my Lady, Morrigan. I am...many things. Many layers. Not all I understand. But I know "my wolf" cannot be spoken of thusly, nor "my raven"...I am just "I".
I don't know how or when this came to pass. I don't know if it will ever be otherwise...but I wouldn't have it be. I am what I am. I am part of the Flow, tied to this part of the Weave...and it is obviously my Call, my own service to Her. It's been so long since I've ever thought like this...not since I was learning to walk the Underworlds, to shapeshift, to Dream...I have missed this. Finally, after a year, I have welcomed the wolf home in my mind, become intimate with a part of myself I once banished and thought gone.
Welcome home...
-M.
