Randomness.
Aug. 18th, 2002 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
witchscauldronTonight is finally a cool, non-humid evening. I have the windows open, and am dreaming of fall. Tommorow is supposed to be cool and rainy - perhaps it'll be a nice day for banking. Yeah, right. >_< Have to fill out some forms tommorow. No big deal. But there's still no good day for banking.
Today was another day of tea. Had some company in the form of Jax (a shorter form for Jacqueline, which is a long name to type) and Chris. Jax and I had some nice tea and talked about a bunch of stuff, including kittens, while Chris and Jason explored Halo and DOA 3. It was surprisingly nice to have company - I enjoyed myself. Jax was interested in going to Sistrum with me, and since she can drive and all that junk I think it's cool. It'll be nice to have someone take me to Toronto that can also attend the ritual. :)
I also made some chai tonight...I love chai. It's soft and soothing, a lovely carmel colour. I had pasta this evening, and garlic bread, so anything that'll soothe my angry stomach is good! Makes me relaxed and drowsy - I do so love chai. The smell of it reminds me of pleasant fall days spent taking leaf walks. Mm. I want to be out as much as possible this year.
I took the time to do a much better job sexing kittens tonight - I waited until they were tired and a little cuddly. It's much easier when you can get in closer and not have them trying to eat you. And BOY...was I off. Isis, the black and white one, will have to be called something else for identification purposes, as he is most definetely a He. "The Kitten formerly known as Isis." Heh. Bear is still a boy. Beavis? Well...Beavis was previously labeled female, and is not. He is a boy. Jax's kitten Butthead, whom we thought was a boy, is a little girl. I feel very dumb now. >_< I haven't been able to get them to stay still long enough for the last 2 weeks to get decent pictures of them, but I tried tonight. I'll post them in my photo album.
Heh. Merfle.
Did some thinking about that job in Brockville. I know that if I take the job, even if Jason doesn't get hired it frees him to look for a new job in his field while on EI. I'd be the main bread winner, which gives me anxiety galore.
Problem is, they haven't even offered Jason an interview, or confirmation they recieved his resume. He even sent it twice from different email addys. So...I called my contact with Nucomm to see if I could get some info...he never answered my call.
My office tolerance factor is fairly low. I'm sure working 40 hours a week appeals to some people, but not me. I know I can work in a call center, and I have the experience, but I did honestly feel like it was killing me. The only reason I wasn't suicidal was I just didn't have time to be, even though it was a constant thought in my head as I sat trapped on the phones all day. Constantly being watched, tested, told how wrong or poorly skilled I am slowly but surely makes my paranoia go insane, my stress level rises, I get odd around people, I get headaches, and I get very depressed. I enjoy working, but it has to be in a fufilling environment, not sitting on a chair on the phone 8 hours a day listening to a litany of complaints from bitchy people, bitchy office administrators, and the 7 other organizations listening to you as you work. No wonder I was paranoid. I was always being "evaluated". I know Dad cares, but I'm not sure he understands how badly it really affects me. I'm not just being lazy or avoidant - it really does cause problems in me. I'm not that stable a person, given the right triggers.
Anyway...long and short of it is that I REALLY like living here in Peterborough. We continue to live here despite the high rent and cost of living, and lack of jobs in Jason's field. My father thinks we are idiots, I'm sure - he feels that we'd be much happier if we had more financial independance. Heh. I really don't agree. Of course, eating and feeding animals and paying bills is good, but if all you have is money and no-where and no-one else to spend it on, what's the damn point?
Brockville doesn't really hold any great enthusiasm for us, other than cheaper rent, but that is balanced by needing a car and insurance at that point. Moving is expensive, too! Moving makes Morgy nuts. Also, I really don't want to be that close to "home", if that makes sense. I have grown accustomed to the buffer zone of several hours, and feel like I can be myself and adult to my parents with it in place.
So the really short of it is - if Jason doesn't get offered anything, I really don't want to go to Brockville for love nor money. It really isn't worth leaving my life here behind for vague thoughts of Jason getting a better job and me getting insane again for $10/hr. I'll just keep looking for part-time work here, and running my auctions/store online. I must be a strange creature to my father, sometimes. Our ideas of happiness and fufillment just don't match up much. :\ I love him, tho - I know he cares.
I'm too unstrung right now to let it bug me. I feel like a lot of the tension I've been carrying uncoiled itself and slunk away. I feel content in knowing some of my auctions are coming in soon, so I can pay off some of my cable bill, and we have food for cats. My mother bought me cat stuff and groceries for my birthday, as well as a very nice comfy night-dress (I want to wear it to ritual - it's too cool!) and some herbs. :) My Mom is so cool. I have chai tea in my tummy. It's cool outside. I think I have a new friend. Life is good tonight.
Today was another day of tea. Had some company in the form of Jax (a shorter form for Jacqueline, which is a long name to type) and Chris. Jax and I had some nice tea and talked about a bunch of stuff, including kittens, while Chris and Jason explored Halo and DOA 3. It was surprisingly nice to have company - I enjoyed myself. Jax was interested in going to Sistrum with me, and since she can drive and all that junk I think it's cool. It'll be nice to have someone take me to Toronto that can also attend the ritual. :)
I also made some chai tonight...I love chai. It's soft and soothing, a lovely carmel colour. I had pasta this evening, and garlic bread, so anything that'll soothe my angry stomach is good! Makes me relaxed and drowsy - I do so love chai. The smell of it reminds me of pleasant fall days spent taking leaf walks. Mm. I want to be out as much as possible this year.
I took the time to do a much better job sexing kittens tonight - I waited until they were tired and a little cuddly. It's much easier when you can get in closer and not have them trying to eat you. And BOY...was I off. Isis, the black and white one, will have to be called something else for identification purposes, as he is most definetely a He. "The Kitten formerly known as Isis." Heh. Bear is still a boy. Beavis? Well...Beavis was previously labeled female, and is not. He is a boy. Jax's kitten Butthead, whom we thought was a boy, is a little girl. I feel very dumb now. >_< I haven't been able to get them to stay still long enough for the last 2 weeks to get decent pictures of them, but I tried tonight. I'll post them in my photo album.
Heh. Merfle.
Did some thinking about that job in Brockville. I know that if I take the job, even if Jason doesn't get hired it frees him to look for a new job in his field while on EI. I'd be the main bread winner, which gives me anxiety galore.
Problem is, they haven't even offered Jason an interview, or confirmation they recieved his resume. He even sent it twice from different email addys. So...I called my contact with Nucomm to see if I could get some info...he never answered my call.
My office tolerance factor is fairly low. I'm sure working 40 hours a week appeals to some people, but not me. I know I can work in a call center, and I have the experience, but I did honestly feel like it was killing me. The only reason I wasn't suicidal was I just didn't have time to be, even though it was a constant thought in my head as I sat trapped on the phones all day. Constantly being watched, tested, told how wrong or poorly skilled I am slowly but surely makes my paranoia go insane, my stress level rises, I get odd around people, I get headaches, and I get very depressed. I enjoy working, but it has to be in a fufilling environment, not sitting on a chair on the phone 8 hours a day listening to a litany of complaints from bitchy people, bitchy office administrators, and the 7 other organizations listening to you as you work. No wonder I was paranoid. I was always being "evaluated". I know Dad cares, but I'm not sure he understands how badly it really affects me. I'm not just being lazy or avoidant - it really does cause problems in me. I'm not that stable a person, given the right triggers.
Anyway...long and short of it is that I REALLY like living here in Peterborough. We continue to live here despite the high rent and cost of living, and lack of jobs in Jason's field. My father thinks we are idiots, I'm sure - he feels that we'd be much happier if we had more financial independance. Heh. I really don't agree. Of course, eating and feeding animals and paying bills is good, but if all you have is money and no-where and no-one else to spend it on, what's the damn point?
Brockville doesn't really hold any great enthusiasm for us, other than cheaper rent, but that is balanced by needing a car and insurance at that point. Moving is expensive, too! Moving makes Morgy nuts. Also, I really don't want to be that close to "home", if that makes sense. I have grown accustomed to the buffer zone of several hours, and feel like I can be myself and adult to my parents with it in place.
So the really short of it is - if Jason doesn't get offered anything, I really don't want to go to Brockville for love nor money. It really isn't worth leaving my life here behind for vague thoughts of Jason getting a better job and me getting insane again for $10/hr. I'll just keep looking for part-time work here, and running my auctions/store online. I must be a strange creature to my father, sometimes. Our ideas of happiness and fufillment just don't match up much. :\ I love him, tho - I know he cares.
I'm too unstrung right now to let it bug me. I feel like a lot of the tension I've been carrying uncoiled itself and slunk away. I feel content in knowing some of my auctions are coming in soon, so I can pay off some of my cable bill, and we have food for cats. My mother bought me cat stuff and groceries for my birthday, as well as a very nice comfy night-dress (I want to wear it to ritual - it's too cool!) and some herbs. :) My Mom is so cool. I have chai tea in my tummy. It's cool outside. I think I have a new friend. Life is good tonight.
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merfle. :)
Date: 2002-08-19 09:53 am (UTC)~snugs~ merfle loves her sisser. glad you are having fun. :) friend is good, having potential transportation to Sistrum rocks. Chai. mmm!
((hugs)) glad you've worked out your feelings towards Brockville. Sounds good to me.. i wish you the best of luck..