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witchscauldronThis is LONG, despite myself. I dunno how much sense I make. These questions are from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
misslynx, and I found them very interesting. :)
1. What drew you to therianthropy/animal spirituality and what does it mean to you?
Well, to understand what therianthropy is to me, you first have to know a little about me. I believe strongly in the existence of Otherkin (those who have the soul or spirit of a non-human animal or being, possibly "mythological" in nature), and I consider those who are therians to be Otherkin. When I Awoke (or otherwise became aware that my spirit was not entirely human), I worked with it on my own. I didn't know about therianthropy, I didn't know about Otherkin, or "weres" or whatever. I simply believed that these creatures still existed, whether in spirit or in body, and that it made sense that some might look human.
Very early on in my pagan life I was very influenced by my Cree heritage - I wanted to know more about the spirit world, and their beliefs in how we interacted with it. I took my own journeys, I learned about myself, and had some experiences with totems and other spirits that left me to consider things. I had been bitten and eaten and scratched and bled by some animals - these were things that I understood as initiations of spirit. Therefore, it made sense to me that this was why I had started to manifest some of the behaviours of these animals, even tho I was human.
I was very much of the impression that I would likely never meet another animal-spirited person as long as I lived. I really considered myself more like someone with a certain kind of spirit medicine. I knew that part of me was Wolf, and part of me was Raven, but what that actually made me was a different story. Most of my thoughts about what I was came from my early shamanic practices - spirit journeys, trancework, Dreamwalking. and the like. So at this point I didn't really have animal spirituality, or at least not as I understand it today.
When I got online in 1996, I didn't find the therian community at all. I wasn't looking for it, either.. I mainly stayed in places Pagan, simply because it was a big thing for me to find others who believed as I did. I determined myself to be a Pagan long before I decided Wicca was a better term for my beliefs; I think it was 1994 when I decided I was Pagan, after a couple years of exploring world faiths. I really hope this well before being Wiccan was a trend amongst teenaged girls; I really was solitary in every sense of the word and didn't have anyone to follow. That, and I hate being accused of being a trendoid. Bleah.
I found, tho, most people online who were Pagan/Wiccan weren't open-minded enough to handle the concept of someone saying "Yeah, I'm really like a were-." That got you beaten with a heavy "Don't be a fluffy bunny" stick really hard. I still find a lot of pagans, ones who are very open to the concept of fae and dragons and other spirits being everywhere remarkably close-minded when it comes to the concept of Otherkin. Go figure. That used to frustrate me to no end...I mean, I certainly was a solitary, and a teenager, but I could never be accused of being fluffy.
In late 1997 I found RS' werewolf pages....mebbe early 1998. I dunno. I completely missed the whole AHWW era of the therian community online. I was part of the second wave, I guess...I found myself reading the RS' forums, talking with people there, and really finding folks I connected with. It took a couple of months before it became less an abstract exercise in thought, and more of a realization that I was NOT going to be alone. Sure, I was isolated - but there were other people out there like me, who had this part of themselves that was all animal. That struck me very strongly. I began to explore my own animal nature much more deeply, trying to sound out exactly how I felt about it, how it worked for me, what my own truths were. I think is where my connection to therianthropy really started. I began to understand how I really was the animals, and I always had been - it was just that that nature had been hidden from me, until such time as events awoke them. Nothing "made" me a wolf or a raven - I always had been them.
As time has gone forth from that point, I am still discovering new things about my self, about who I am. What I am isn't an issue for me anymore. Who I am has become the focus of my therianthropy. Therianthropy is to me part of my personal journey. It is part of who I am. I don't use most of the same terms or ideas that seem to abound in the larger cliques of therians today, but I know that there are those for whom the animal within is the same thing; a source of wonder, of joy, of creativity, and a living connection to the wild that many people have forgotten.
And isn't that just the longest answer ever to a short question?
2. What are the biggest challenges faced by the pagan community today?
Tough question. I don't know if I can really come up with a coherent answer for this one.
You still have people who are using Paganism as a negative - "Well, I am mad at Religion X, and Paganism is the exact opposite of what it tried to hold me down with, so I'll be a Pagan to spite them!". Is it any wonder people don't take our many paths seriously? As long as people use Pagan religion as a rebellion or a weapon against others, that'll be a challenge for the rest of us to overcome; this includes people who use Pagan faiths as a front or a cover for a political agenda.
~*~
I think there's a huge challenge for the pagan community in finding balance. I don't mean polarity - that's a different concept, in my mind. A lot of people don't seem to have any concept of balance as part of pagan life. Light and dark, life and death, happy and sad, male and female...it's all there. Even just within ourselves, we have to balance these things. And yes, I'm aware that I'm making vast generalizations here. I can live without the drama queens and the energy vampires that seem to abound.
You will always have people who think that anything that includes "magic powers" is just totally cool, and they'll never go any deeper. You will always have people in the pagan community that also think that being Pagan means getting drunk, dancing, partying, and feasting. These are the folks who are never around in a crisis, or never seem to volunteer for the real work. You will always have people who want all the positive, fun stuff without dealing with any of the negative or hard stuff. As long as we have people associated with the Pagan community who don't want to work, or "go deeper" and confront some of the darker side of life, there will be a challenge for the rest of us to overcome.
~*~
Mysteries. That's also an interesting topic. While I'm gonna address this from a Wiccan point of view, I found it equally true when I was exploring a CR path. I think in the last few years there has been a strong trend towards "Wicca is whatever you want it to be"...more so than in other paths, I think. . There is a growing rift between those that follow a traditional path through Wicca, and those that make theirs up as they go along. Both deride each other, to a certain extend - at the extremes, you have "Wiccan Fundamentalists" on one side, and ecclectic "Fluffy Bunnies" on the other. The "Fundies" value their lineage, historical and scholaric accuracy, their hard work at understanding what is a Mystery Religion, their initiations and their coven families. The "Bunnies" value their freedom to choose what "works for them, their lack of dogma, their ability to encompass many beliefs into one whole that otherwise would not come together, and the freedom to approach Deity on their own terms.
Personally? When it comes to this particular issue, I side more on the traditional side. Yeah...I know. It's weird, since I'm a solitary and all. But I've come to really enjoy my involvements with various covens of various tradition. I have long craved a coven education - unfortunetely, distance has been a very large factor in this not happening. I think that having such an education can only make what I've learned myself stronger, by giving me a firm platform to launch myself from. I don't think it hurts ANYONE to have a solid understanding of history, but you can't go so far that way as to lose imagination, creativity, and faith in the unknown, either. I also think that when it comes to Wicca, it is a Mystery faith. There is an initiatory aspect there - solitaries may have initiations of spirit, but there is something different about a coven initiation. I don't know how to articulate this; I've never had a coven initiation, but I definetely feel like there's a difference. There's also the social aspect - I think there's something wonderful in knowing that there are others out there who have done the work, know the same things you do, and have the same foundation of faith in common from being of a common tradition.
Blar. I'm babbling. I knew I couldn't put anything coherent down for this question.
3. How did you meetbarkman, and when did you realize he was going to be your life partner?
I met Bark at a campground in Wasaga Beach; a couple of my high school friends who were involved in a Scouting group showed up at my house and gave me half an hour to pack before I was taken across the province. I vaguely remember him, simply because I managed to pick up a death cold from online friends I visited for the first time the day before. I ended up with a ridiculously high fever, and spent most of the weekend in bed hallucinating and dreaming silly things. I really only remember this manic grin under his goatee, and the fact that he wore his necker on his Tilley hat. Not a very auspicious start.
Later on, we started talking online. I was spending most of my time between classes at school online doing nothing but working on my website. I think at first he wondered why the hell I kept talking to him - I think I scared him a little. I was starved for conversation during the day - most of my friends had graduated. I think Bark was mostly...horny. :p At least seemed to be, most of the time. (I'm sure he's thrilled I wrote that.) He'd moved to Peterborough by January. We still talked. We got to know one another better. We were both interested in sex. I think that's why I decided to go with friends to another Scouting-type gathering in February of that year, and see him. Given that I ended up going home with him, I guess everthing worked out.
We found we had a lot in common. What we didn't was enough to give each other space. And after a while we had to conclude that there was a relationship growing between us. We tried "friends that fuck" for a while...didn't really work. I think we were both afraid of the committment of saying we were a couple. It's funny....it was really the first relationship I'd ever had like that. We'd been dating for 4 months. But after we decided that yes, we were a couple....there wasn't any question in my mind that we were going to be together for the long haul. I couldn't think of anyone else. I didn't want to.
I went to Trent Univeristy in the fall. We moved in together at the end of my first year. We both stayed the summer and took classes, rather than going home to our families, and it only seemed logical. We've lived together ever since. Like any relationship, there's been stormy weather. But we've come through. I still feel the same way I did when we first came together. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather share my life with. I look forward to the day that we join our hands in front of our family and friends, and the Gods.
4. What would your ideal job/career be?
At this point, I'm not really sure. I might want to go back to school, but at the cost of heavy debt. I want to make it worth it, so I am deliberately holding off going back. I am heavily considering jewelrysmithing - I really enjoy making jewelry and the creativity it affords me. However, part of me also thinks I'd be perfectly happy just owning my own little pagan shop somewhere and doing that, or at least working in one. I'm easily bored. I like things that keep me motivated. The two things that do that are making artistic things, and pagan stuff. While I'm here in town, I think that working in the bead store might be ideal...but he's not looking for help. :\
However...I had no intention of being a failed english major with no career goals or degrees. I am still very bitter about something that happened when I was in high school. I used to sing a lot when I was younger, had done some musical theatre, and LOVED it. I still do. I had confidence in myself for a change. I knew I could do this - I had a voice worthy of singing arias. I applied to my universities for their opera courses. I took lessons, started learning audition pieces for my auditions into university. And I get all that work done, and then 2 weeks before I have to do my auditions my parents tell me they can't afford to take me to the universities to do them, or to send me down to do them alone. THAT was a slap in the face. :\ My dream wasn't worth the time off work. I haven't done any theatre since. I don't sing much anymore - in fact, I doubt I'll ever gain the range or tone back that I've lost since then. That might have been my ideal career.
5. If you had to describebarkman and what made him special, to someone who'd never met him, in 50 words or less, what would you say?
Barkman has the most mischevious dimple, a cheeky smile . There's this glitter in his eyes, a little boy's innocence that still lingers in his face. The world hasn't made him lose this yet, and I hope he never does. He holds that innocence for me; something I've lost.
I don't know if there's anything anyone else feels like asking me, but feel free to. If you want me to ask you questions, feel free to ask me about that, too. :)
-M.
misslynx, and I found them very interesting. :)1. What drew you to therianthropy/animal spirituality and what does it mean to you?
Well, to understand what therianthropy is to me, you first have to know a little about me. I believe strongly in the existence of Otherkin (those who have the soul or spirit of a non-human animal or being, possibly "mythological" in nature), and I consider those who are therians to be Otherkin. When I Awoke (or otherwise became aware that my spirit was not entirely human), I worked with it on my own. I didn't know about therianthropy, I didn't know about Otherkin, or "weres" or whatever. I simply believed that these creatures still existed, whether in spirit or in body, and that it made sense that some might look human.
Very early on in my pagan life I was very influenced by my Cree heritage - I wanted to know more about the spirit world, and their beliefs in how we interacted with it. I took my own journeys, I learned about myself, and had some experiences with totems and other spirits that left me to consider things. I had been bitten and eaten and scratched and bled by some animals - these were things that I understood as initiations of spirit. Therefore, it made sense to me that this was why I had started to manifest some of the behaviours of these animals, even tho I was human.
I was very much of the impression that I would likely never meet another animal-spirited person as long as I lived. I really considered myself more like someone with a certain kind of spirit medicine. I knew that part of me was Wolf, and part of me was Raven, but what that actually made me was a different story. Most of my thoughts about what I was came from my early shamanic practices - spirit journeys, trancework, Dreamwalking. and the like. So at this point I didn't really have animal spirituality, or at least not as I understand it today.
When I got online in 1996, I didn't find the therian community at all. I wasn't looking for it, either.. I mainly stayed in places Pagan, simply because it was a big thing for me to find others who believed as I did. I determined myself to be a Pagan long before I decided Wicca was a better term for my beliefs; I think it was 1994 when I decided I was Pagan, after a couple years of exploring world faiths. I really hope this well before being Wiccan was a trend amongst teenaged girls; I really was solitary in every sense of the word and didn't have anyone to follow. That, and I hate being accused of being a trendoid. Bleah.
I found, tho, most people online who were Pagan/Wiccan weren't open-minded enough to handle the concept of someone saying "Yeah, I'm really like a were-
In late 1997 I found RS' werewolf pages....mebbe early 1998. I dunno. I completely missed the whole AHWW era of the therian community online. I was part of the second wave, I guess...I found myself reading the RS' forums, talking with people there, and really finding folks I connected with. It took a couple of months before it became less an abstract exercise in thought, and more of a realization that I was NOT going to be alone. Sure, I was isolated - but there were other people out there like me, who had this part of themselves that was all animal. That struck me very strongly. I began to explore my own animal nature much more deeply, trying to sound out exactly how I felt about it, how it worked for me, what my own truths were. I think is where my connection to therianthropy really started. I began to understand how I really was the animals, and I always had been - it was just that that nature had been hidden from me, until such time as events awoke them. Nothing "made" me a wolf or a raven - I always had been them.
As time has gone forth from that point, I am still discovering new things about my self, about who I am. What I am isn't an issue for me anymore. Who I am has become the focus of my therianthropy. Therianthropy is to me part of my personal journey. It is part of who I am. I don't use most of the same terms or ideas that seem to abound in the larger cliques of therians today, but I know that there are those for whom the animal within is the same thing; a source of wonder, of joy, of creativity, and a living connection to the wild that many people have forgotten.
And isn't that just the longest answer ever to a short question?
2. What are the biggest challenges faced by the pagan community today?
Tough question. I don't know if I can really come up with a coherent answer for this one.
You still have people who are using Paganism as a negative - "Well, I am mad at Religion X, and Paganism is the exact opposite of what it tried to hold me down with, so I'll be a Pagan to spite them!". Is it any wonder people don't take our many paths seriously? As long as people use Pagan religion as a rebellion or a weapon against others, that'll be a challenge for the rest of us to overcome; this includes people who use Pagan faiths as a front or a cover for a political agenda.
~*~
I think there's a huge challenge for the pagan community in finding balance. I don't mean polarity - that's a different concept, in my mind. A lot of people don't seem to have any concept of balance as part of pagan life. Light and dark, life and death, happy and sad, male and female...it's all there. Even just within ourselves, we have to balance these things. And yes, I'm aware that I'm making vast generalizations here. I can live without the drama queens and the energy vampires that seem to abound.
You will always have people who think that anything that includes "magic powers" is just totally cool, and they'll never go any deeper. You will always have people in the pagan community that also think that being Pagan means getting drunk, dancing, partying, and feasting. These are the folks who are never around in a crisis, or never seem to volunteer for the real work. You will always have people who want all the positive, fun stuff without dealing with any of the negative or hard stuff. As long as we have people associated with the Pagan community who don't want to work, or "go deeper" and confront some of the darker side of life, there will be a challenge for the rest of us to overcome.
~*~
Mysteries. That's also an interesting topic. While I'm gonna address this from a Wiccan point of view, I found it equally true when I was exploring a CR path. I think in the last few years there has been a strong trend towards "Wicca is whatever you want it to be"...more so than in other paths, I think. . There is a growing rift between those that follow a traditional path through Wicca, and those that make theirs up as they go along. Both deride each other, to a certain extend - at the extremes, you have "Wiccan Fundamentalists" on one side, and ecclectic "Fluffy Bunnies" on the other. The "Fundies" value their lineage, historical and scholaric accuracy, their hard work at understanding what is a Mystery Religion, their initiations and their coven families. The "Bunnies" value their freedom to choose what "works for them, their lack of dogma, their ability to encompass many beliefs into one whole that otherwise would not come together, and the freedom to approach Deity on their own terms.
Personally? When it comes to this particular issue, I side more on the traditional side. Yeah...I know. It's weird, since I'm a solitary and all. But I've come to really enjoy my involvements with various covens of various tradition. I have long craved a coven education - unfortunetely, distance has been a very large factor in this not happening. I think that having such an education can only make what I've learned myself stronger, by giving me a firm platform to launch myself from. I don't think it hurts ANYONE to have a solid understanding of history, but you can't go so far that way as to lose imagination, creativity, and faith in the unknown, either. I also think that when it comes to Wicca, it is a Mystery faith. There is an initiatory aspect there - solitaries may have initiations of spirit, but there is something different about a coven initiation. I don't know how to articulate this; I've never had a coven initiation, but I definetely feel like there's a difference. There's also the social aspect - I think there's something wonderful in knowing that there are others out there who have done the work, know the same things you do, and have the same foundation of faith in common from being of a common tradition.
Blar. I'm babbling. I knew I couldn't put anything coherent down for this question.
3. How did you meet
barkman, and when did you realize he was going to be your life partner?I met Bark at a campground in Wasaga Beach; a couple of my high school friends who were involved in a Scouting group showed up at my house and gave me half an hour to pack before I was taken across the province. I vaguely remember him, simply because I managed to pick up a death cold from online friends I visited for the first time the day before. I ended up with a ridiculously high fever, and spent most of the weekend in bed hallucinating and dreaming silly things. I really only remember this manic grin under his goatee, and the fact that he wore his necker on his Tilley hat. Not a very auspicious start.
Later on, we started talking online. I was spending most of my time between classes at school online doing nothing but working on my website. I think at first he wondered why the hell I kept talking to him - I think I scared him a little. I was starved for conversation during the day - most of my friends had graduated. I think Bark was mostly...horny. :p At least seemed to be, most of the time. (I'm sure he's thrilled I wrote that.) He'd moved to Peterborough by January. We still talked. We got to know one another better. We were both interested in sex. I think that's why I decided to go with friends to another Scouting-type gathering in February of that year, and see him. Given that I ended up going home with him, I guess everthing worked out.
We found we had a lot in common. What we didn't was enough to give each other space. And after a while we had to conclude that there was a relationship growing between us. We tried "friends that fuck" for a while...didn't really work. I think we were both afraid of the committment of saying we were a couple. It's funny....it was really the first relationship I'd ever had like that. We'd been dating for 4 months. But after we decided that yes, we were a couple....there wasn't any question in my mind that we were going to be together for the long haul. I couldn't think of anyone else. I didn't want to.
I went to Trent Univeristy in the fall. We moved in together at the end of my first year. We both stayed the summer and took classes, rather than going home to our families, and it only seemed logical. We've lived together ever since. Like any relationship, there's been stormy weather. But we've come through. I still feel the same way I did when we first came together. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather share my life with. I look forward to the day that we join our hands in front of our family and friends, and the Gods.
4. What would your ideal job/career be?
At this point, I'm not really sure. I might want to go back to school, but at the cost of heavy debt. I want to make it worth it, so I am deliberately holding off going back. I am heavily considering jewelrysmithing - I really enjoy making jewelry and the creativity it affords me. However, part of me also thinks I'd be perfectly happy just owning my own little pagan shop somewhere and doing that, or at least working in one. I'm easily bored. I like things that keep me motivated. The two things that do that are making artistic things, and pagan stuff. While I'm here in town, I think that working in the bead store might be ideal...but he's not looking for help. :\
However...I had no intention of being a failed english major with no career goals or degrees. I am still very bitter about something that happened when I was in high school. I used to sing a lot when I was younger, had done some musical theatre, and LOVED it. I still do. I had confidence in myself for a change. I knew I could do this - I had a voice worthy of singing arias. I applied to my universities for their opera courses. I took lessons, started learning audition pieces for my auditions into university. And I get all that work done, and then 2 weeks before I have to do my auditions my parents tell me they can't afford to take me to the universities to do them, or to send me down to do them alone. THAT was a slap in the face. :\ My dream wasn't worth the time off work. I haven't done any theatre since. I don't sing much anymore - in fact, I doubt I'll ever gain the range or tone back that I've lost since then. That might have been my ideal career.
5. If you had to describe
barkman and what made him special, to someone who'd never met him, in 50 words or less, what would you say? Barkman has the most mischevious dimple, a cheeky smile . There's this glitter in his eyes, a little boy's innocence that still lingers in his face. The world hasn't made him lose this yet, and I hope he never does. He holds that innocence for me; something I've lost.
I don't know if there's anything anyone else feels like asking me, but feel free to. If you want me to ask you questions, feel free to ask me about that, too. :)
-M.
