Meme 6, 7, and 8

[witchscauldron]

I'm putting these all in one entry, to stay caught up.



Your Day

My usual day is not terribly exciting. I wake up, I check my internets, I do some things like cleaning or work, I make dinnar, I clean up from that, I internets some more (maybe gaming) and then I go to bed.

Or lately, I go to bed, get up an hour later, and then am up off and on all night until I pass out exhausted very early in the morning.

This is my routine. It happens at varying hours depending on when I actually fall asleep. However, this meme fell on a Saturday when I was at coven, and Saturday was Samhain.

So it was more like this:

Sleep -very- badly and wake up earlier than normal. Spend a couple hours waking up and trying to be human.

Make a mental list of what I'm doing to get organized for ritual prep.

Play with my goddaughter for a while.

Wait for the porch to get cleaned and sorted, and for further folks to arrive/return from shopping.

Talk to my covenmate about a working we're sharing next year. Talk to my covenmate about student. Talk to student.

Start getting things together for ritual at own pace - choose oil, incense, candles, etc.

Gather ritual tools with assistance. Lay out things for ritual bath.

Make offerings on various shrines as appropriate.

Set up ritual area after things are cleaned - no hurry. Take a couple hours to do this.

Have a drink of some hard cider. Enjoy the setting sun.

Once altar is set, sort out my regalia and robes. Do the same for high priesthood.

Polish jewelry for high priesthood, then lay out their regalia.

Bathe and robe.

Double-check altar to make sure everything's there as needed, and go over rite.

Send everyone through the ritual bath in good time.

Have ritual.

Have feast.

Fall asleep in a bloody folding chair on the porch 5 minutes after I finished eating.

Go upstairs, disrobe, un-regalia, pack away regalia box.

Find pyjamas, reinflate airbed, take meds, drink some juice.

Go to bathroom, realize I have to clean the ritual bath effects away, and do so.

Pass out on airbed.


6. Beliefs - The power of prayer/reciprocity

I'm not so much of a pray-er, I guess. I often light a shrine, make an offering, and then...just have a conversation. I do sometimes make formal prayers, but it's rarely on my own behalf. I like to think I have open dialogues going, instead, and I talk to my Gods all the time.

Prayers have their own power. For me, though, i really tend to run along the lines of doing things for myself, and trying that as many ways as possible before I turn to prayer.

Reciprocity makes sense to me. You have to give to get, for the most part. It's a gift for a gift. I don't think this always has to be a straight exchange, though. Very often I give things to people, and I have no expectation or desire for something in return from them. I like to tell people to pay it forward. I've been helped or given things many times by people who are repaying a similar act, in turn. I see no reason to be the link that breaks that chain. It's one of the few positive interactions I have with humanity in general.




My Best Friend

We hated each other in public school. I hung out with another girl, whom she couldn't stand. So we didn't really get to know each other until high school. Once we got over that, we got on gangbusters. We were fairly inseperable, which is a challenge when you live in the boonies. I think it worked because we gave each other space.

After high school she went on and got married, moved to Toronto and had a kid...got divorced and then moved back home. I went to Peterborough, then ended up where I am. Recently she got remarried, to a very decent fellow. We see each other maybe once a year now, which isn't ideal but is what we get.

She's still my best friend. She'll probably be my only best friend, which I'm very happy about. She's sort of abrasive and very plain-spoken - but then again, so am I. She's also loyal, honest, and generous. I couldn't ask for better.

Patronage and other deeper relationships

I wasn't ever looking for patronage, at any point. One found me anyway, and I fell into the deeper relationships I have with my Gods after that. Which isn't to say that I would not have found deeper connections to the Gods without a patron. Rather, I feel quite the opposite. I really dislike the idea that everyone -needs- or -must find- a patron. I like the idea that people -choose- their patron(s) even less.

Do you really need a patron deity?

I say No. Some people just aren't the right kind to take up that sort of service.

Unfortunetely, modern neo-paganism has a lot of emphasis on personal patron deities, the same as there is pressure for people to know their 'totem'. A lot of that crap comes from new-age thinking that's trickled down and into a lot of different paths: it's all about Self, it's all about someone's inner journey, it's all about ME. They expect their patrons will nurture, coddle, protect, shield, and uplift them, somehow. It's all talk of empowerment and sunshine and glitter and elfen farts.

But patron deities are not at all a 'ME' thing. It's about 'THEM'. You become Their child, Their servant, Their priesthood, and in some cases Their lover. They call you to Their service - something that can be difficult, frustrating, exhausting, and ultimately rewarding, if one understands fully what's being asked. They will let you fail. They might sometimes leave you in the dark. They will kick your ass. They will expect you to look after yourself. Life is pain - and anyone who'll tell you otherwise is selling you something.

I treasure my relationships with my Gods. I have had many experiences that were absolutely awesome, and have helped shape me as a person. But in no way do I think I'd have been less, or missing something, without a patron. It's just the path not taken.




A Moment

An absolutely silent night, in the heart of an Ottawa Valley winter. The sky is absolutely, utterly clear, but there's no moon. Nothing moves except a slight wind - when it does it's like talons of pure ice through your bones. There's thick snow, frozen hard and stiff, in drifts all through the fields. The world -glows-, pristine and vibrant.

Everyone else is asleep in the house, burrowed into thick blankets, and ignoring the hoarfrost creeping across the windows. All the lights are out - no incandescent bulb burns on to spill out past glass and wood, and stain the snow with rosy gold. I've dressed for the weather and crept out as quiet as I can.

The snow squeaks like styofoam under every footstep. I feel like a clumsy giant, threatening to destroy the fragile world around me. Finally, I manage to get to the front step, and I sit quietly, my own breath loud in my ears.

The silence is its' own being, occasionally breeched by a gust of wind that hisses and whispers over the snow, and the tinkling of icy branches. The stars are cradled in an indigo blue so vivid no pigment has ever captured them. I sit in this silence, staring at the jeweled sky to try and fix it into my brain. Orion stares down at me from above, Hunting always. I realize after a moment I have stopped breathing.

I am cradled in the heart of Winter - breathless and numb with piercing cold, the hiss of wind on snow, the brillant stars, the tinkling chime of ice. I could only stay a moment, but the moment stayed with me.

Holidays

I don't have non-religious holidays anymore. No holiday in my family ever had a religious component when I was growing up, and that hasn't changed, so the secular non-religious 'holiday' observances of Christmas and Easter are what I mean here. Tack on Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en as observances that have no meaning in my life. I don't have any particular attachment to calendar holidays, so to speak, so I've really stopped having anything to do with them - I don't have a 'day job', so to speak, so it's not like I need to look forward to 'time off'. I certainly don't look forward to huge family gatherings or holiday meals. I'm happier left to my own devices.

I will not even get into how much I loathe rampant commercialism in regards to holidays. I've been sick of Christmas since f-ing October. And that's so goddamn wrong on its' own level.

As for religious holidays, I pretty much stick to the 8 Sabbats on the Wheel of the Year. I don't seem to connect well to some of them. I try really hard to find -something- I can do around each for myself. Otherwise I do nothing on my own and just do whatever coven rite we've got. A quick list:

Samhain. The time of year when the Third Harvest, Blood and Bone, comes...the world is weary, and blood soaks the earth. I enjoy this time of year immensely. The ritual itself? Not as much. It's an observance, not a celebration. Some years are really heavy and painful, and others are less so, but they're always sort of solemn. Sucks to be any kind of sensitive on this one. I usually have significant dreams that night. I just try to get through the whole thing.

Yule. I really like the Yule pillage we have at coven, which can be fun. Sort of indifferent to Yule as a holiday, but it isn't Yule's fault. By the time I get to Yule, I've usually been dealing with the onslaught of Xmas, crafting, baking for everyone but myself, shoppingshoppingshopping (at the last minute always), figuring out whether we're travelling or not, having to choke down at least one meal I consider inedible, and the pressures ot trying not to be a miserable bitch during the entire season where I am expected to be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, when I just want to be left the hell alone.

I HATE XMAS. If I ever get a year where there's no Xmas, and only celebrate Yule, it might be different. But I doubt I'm unlikely to find out any time soon.

Imbolc. I love Imbolc. Imbolc is probably my favorite holiday, or at least in the top two. I devote this whole holiday to celebrating Bríd. Usually by this time I'm hitting the wall of insomnia, serious depression, and a world that's white inside and out. I seriously crave flame and colour. It's not spring emergent, like it is in England, though - spring sabbats have to be worked around creatively in Canada, where you may still have snow at Beltaine. I instead think of it as 'cracking the spine of winter' - Winter isn't dead, but it's sure not healthy after Bríd stomps up and down on it a few times to break up the icepack. I usually get to have this Sabbat to myself, since the weather usually makes this a cancelled coven event.

Spring Equinox. This is probably the holiday I connect with the least. It's nice to get out and visit folks at covenstead who I haven't seen since Yule...if I'm ready to stop hibernating. Again, a spring sabbat in Canada often still means snow and ice outside. I have started to approach this sabbat not as the awakening of the Earth, but as a moment of perfect balance between light and dark. For me, this time of year is all about corvids, since they're returning from their winter roosts, and storms, as March blusters in and out.

Beltaine. As a celebration of the divine marriage, it works for me. Beltaine only works as start of summer for me, if we're working on a two-season year, just Winter and Summer. Then it makes sense. If you have four seasons, like our current culture, it doesn't work much. As I said before, there can still be snow here at Beltaine. Often we're just barely warming up into spring-like weather. We don't hit summer-like weather until nearer Summer Solstice. So there's a disconnect there for me. I wasn't really a fan of my coven's particular Beltaine rite, but it's grown on me over time. I think perhaps having gotten handfasted has helped change my perspective around this. I'm not too fussed about Beltaine, but at the same time I don't dislike anything about it.

Summer Solstice. I pretty much give this one up to Manannan for the duration. It's his time of year, so I tend to focus on that. I do start a lot of my wildcrafting at this point, as well, so I start getting nosy as to what's growing. Haying and strawberry season sort of round out my doings on Solstice. I'm glad, for a change, it isn't usually super-hot yet at Solstice - it lets me genuinely celebrate the nature of Fire without being evil because I'm overheated.

Lugnassadh. The other contender for my favorite sabbat. I give the time up around this holiday to Lugh, and to the first harvest. Things are ripening and growing tall, and the first crops are coming in. The hottest of the weather is usually almost gone, and nature begins to pick up a bronze, golden tone in the green. Feeling Summer finally start to wane is a huge relief to me. Our coven's 'Stone Soup' ritual is one I really enjoy.

Autumn Equinox. Like in Spring, I tend to focus on the moment of balance between light and dark, and our passage towards the dark half of the year. This is the second harvest, a time to get in all the last crops of the year, and to start preparing for winter. At the same time, I totally want to celebrate how beautiful the natural world is, and the great bounty it gives us. The last few years we've had more social coven things going on - pow-wows, music festivals, so we tend to spend a day doing something fun together, just hanging out, and then have a meal together. The meal has a small ritual component, but mostly we just kinda enjoy the day.