Thursday again? Argh.

Whee. Thursday's here already. Gotta go back to the Asian mall tommorow. Jason's motherboard doesn't work. More bubble tea and tempura...mm. Maybe some BBQ Pork.

I wish the weather would just warm up already. Little bits...it's making our furnace insane...we set the temp at 18, and it goes up to 26 and the furnace won't shut off. Weird. Stupid thing. Slept poorly last night.

Cats have to stay all upstairs - Liath just sits and howls in the basement again, since she caught scent of some male cat outside when I had the windows open Monday night after the fire. I hate having a damn cat who has broken heats. Not her fault, tho. :\ It's mine.

Ah well. Jeff'll be here in a while, and we'll head to Value Village for more LARP shopping for him. I myself want a blue t-shirt or some dye or something. I need new clothes, but I can't afford any. Ah well.

Posted some new stuff to my Ezboard. It's going so well these days - it's most excellent. :) I really enjoy the conversation there. I should paint tonight...wooden thing, a couple of wands that need some stuff done. Probably gonna paint one like Jason's staff, because I liked that a lot. Mrr. Feathers. Need more wood. Gotta do some laundry later. I'm outta here.

-M.

Nowhere.

I'm nowhere with this machine again. I want to crumple it up into components and shattered glass, and throw it into the river to wash it clean of all the evil spirits straining against the screen.

It makes me sick. My spirit is labouring again. I need to get away from this thing that is leeching. I spent a year and more cleansing, rebirthing, finding a path of beauty...and slowly the people, the misinterpretation, the lies, and the sheer black anger and hate running from people I don't even know and likely never will are piling stones on that path. My feet are cracked and sore from walking over them, trying to move on without paying heed to the pain. No pain no gain, right? Meh. I won't spill my blood any more for electrons forming words.

I have no axe to grind. I have no agenda to pursue. I'm tired. I'm tired of being attributed to things I would never do, cannot be. Everytime I attempt to share myself, to be open to others, the things I shape turn to shit in my hands. Perfect love and perfect trust...I'm starting to think they're a pipedream. And I'm losing even the simplest trust in so many things. Maybe I simply wasn't meant to be.

So I give up. I'm not trying anymore. Fuck the internet. Fuck you too, world. It's time to wipe the slate clean. Misanthropic old me.
Get a job. Move away from this demon-infested device and this semblance of life. Just enjoy life without being stuck to a keyboard for hours a day.

I feel so far away from where I began. I don't think I'll ever be me again. I'm not a monster, but maybe I will be. You can never go home again.
-M.