Frustrated.

Last night I meditated before bed, with a specific purpose I was trying to imprint on myself for my dreamwalking; I was gonna get on that horse and ride, dammit. So I dreamt about crayons and beaches and storms on the horizon for a while; was a little crazy feeling. I was going to melt the crayons for some reason...which is neither here nor there. Then, finally, I got to the stable.

I was IN the stable, white and green, and smelling of hay and leather. Divine! My spirit horse, that gorgeous smutty buckskin so huge and strong, was waiting for me. I saddled the horse. I walked him out into the ring. But I never got on the freakin' horse.

Whiskey tango foxtrot? All my being has been focused on getting up on the horse, to speak in metaphor. I want to ride, and show the Gods I am accepting the challenge of initiation. I may get bucked off, I may get hurt, but I won't KNOW until I try. So why instead did I end up with a Pony Club manual in my hand, reading about Hungarian horse games and food, and not on the horse I was so ready to mount?

I am, to whit, very frustrated and confused. I suppose that just means I'll have to try harder. Maybe I need to ride bareback...

I have a lot of meditation work to attempt this next week. Not only am I gonna ride that frickin' horse, I have to do a meditation/devotional rite for Kali Durga, and see if she will allow me to invoke her for Silere's naming ritual. It's important to ask the Gods you haven't worked with before; it's like a small, ritual introduction of you to them, to find out what's ok, what's not, and what they would prefer. Invoking a deity without first introducing one's self is rather like inviting one's self to dinner at a stranger's home without prior notice. It's just plain rude!

So yay. That is what is new in the World of Morgandria.