A bunch of things.

[witchscauldron]

1. Anxiety is really really sucking right now. I'm getting sick every time I step out of the house now, and sometimes even in the house.

2. Normally at this time of year my altar is dressed in white, lit with a kabillion candles all reflected on water, and I am dialoging with Bríd. I have normally felt very connected to her. This year, I don't feel connnected to her at all. My altar is black, very sparce, and dressed in jet, onyx, and obsidian.

3. Combine anxiety and lack of connection to Bríd with the fact that I decided to volunteer to lead the Imbolg ritual this year, and a bunch of my friends who want to come see me "perform". This is a bad combination. I am, at this point, reluctant to write the ritual I had in mind without Bríd "around", and too paranoid and upset that I will screw this all up to want to do it. I've tried a couple of times to start writing, and I always end up making myself sick. So I think I am un-volunteering myself shortly.

4. I really would like to visit Michigan, but I feel like I've already become a pain in the ass. Don't want to be a pain in the ass guest, so...yeah. :\

Yar.
-M.

Comments

[metachaos.livejournal.com]

Alot of what Jen was feeling when we spoke the second time was anxiety and anger that she might not be able to spend time with Matt Saturday morning because I reminded her that classes start on Saturday and she has a class that day right when she is supposed to be getting ready to take Matt to the airport. I believe she wouldn't mind picking you up next Saturday/Sunday and you certainly aren't a pain in the ass. So thhhhhbbbbb....

:(

[kodekitten.livejournal.com]

I wish I could help somehow... just know that I"m reading your entries and thinking of you. If you need to talk, I'll do my best to listen.